i kinda miss him

by

I miss him. It's weird saying that. Saying that implies romantic things which don't exist. I like him, a lot. I think that's all there is. As usual, the one-sided relationship I'm used to experience. But, I do. I miss him.

I wish he didn't figure it out.

I miss the him not knowing that it is he that is on that list for months, the only guy whoever stayed written there, never once been crossed out. I miss talking to him, randomly dropping comments like I didn't half mean them. I miss asking him questions, without thinking the reason why I'm asking the question. I miss the careless me when I was with the unknowing he. He didn't change, yes. Not in large proportions. But, he knows and that changes everything.

I want to talk to him but I can't. I always feel pathetic, asking him the questions I could've easily asked him before. I feel conscious of what I'm saying. I feel cautious, on-guard. I can't function right ever since he find out. I just wish he didn't find out because I wouldn't be missing him this much.